What VANISH taught me about adoption—and myself

Support Services Coordinator Gail Holstock reflects on 12 years in post-adoption services

For over a decade, Gail Holstock has been a steady presence for countless people seeking connection and understanding through VANISH. Whether facilitating support groups, managing to resolve a tricky search case, or walking alongside someone through the complexities of reunion, Gail has shaped VANISH’s services and touched hundreds of lives.

Below, Gail reflects on her 12-year journey at VANISH, from her beginnings as a Project Support Worker (from Aug 2013) to her years as a Search and Support Worker (from Jan 2014), Community Outreach & Training Coordinator (from Jan 2019), and most recently, Support Services Coordinator (from Nov 2020). Her departure marks the end of an era, and her professional expertise, wisdom, and humour will be greatly missed by the VANISH team and community.

“I joined VANISH a little over 12 years ago. I had just finished my degree in Social Science (counselling) and was ticking off what I didn’t want to do! I had no plan, but when I saw the ad for a two-day-a-week project support person for a post-adoption support organisation, something lit up inside of me. I stepped into VANISH as both a professional and as someone with lived experience of adoption. At the time, I thought I understood adoption. What I didn’t yet know was how much the work, the people, and the stories that I heard would reshape my understanding of myself and the impacts of adoption.

When I started back in 2013, I held a fairly common belief of the mainstream adoption narrative—that adoption was largely a good thing. I knew I had my “little hang-ups’ about adoption, but I believed this was because I was over-sensitive—and that there was something wrong with me! Yearning to know who I was and where I came from was something I kept to myself. I had a loving family and a stable upbringing, and I assumed that this was a universal experience for adoptees. 

The yearning to understand my heritage persisted and when the adoption legislation changed in Victoria in 1984, I immediately set out to obtain my adoption record. I found and met both my mother and father around 1985—that was the easy bit—however mine was not a happy reunion story, there was too much pain and grief for my mother and father to ever accept me into their world. Forty years later, this part of my life is still largely unresolved.

From the project support role, I quickly moved into a Search and Support role, which as the title suggests involved obtaining records, searching for family and walking alongside the person as they navigated the complexities of adoption reunion. I also co-facilitated support groups, spoke at community events (both of which were super challenging for me), but underpinning all of this was listening to people’s stories. Peoples stories reveal the complexity of adoption that sits just beneath the surface. This work taught me that adoption isn’t one story; it’s thousands of stories shaped by trauma, loss, grief, secrecy and shame, but also of resilience, and hope.

The work enabled me to understand the structures around adoption. I began to see the profound harm that was caused, and also the need for compassionate, trauma-informed support.

The biggest shift for me has been internal. This work has brought me a deeper sense of empathy, compassion and the importance of sitting with someone’s truth without minimising it, defending it, or trying to fix it.

The people I’ve worked with, especially colleagues and other counsellors, have shaped me into someone who listens carefully to a person’s unique story, with both compassion and the knowing of someone with a shared lived experience.

I arrived at VANISH over a decade ago—curious, committed, but also unaware of the complexities of adoption. I now hold a nuanced, trauma-informed and systemic understanding of adoption. I have developed both professionally and personally through witnessing hundreds, if not thousands of stories, through one-to-one support, facilitating groups, community education and professional training.

I leave VANISH now the same way I started, no real plan, just open to whatever may come next. I am deeply grateful for every person, every story and every moment that has shaped my understanding of adoption, of people affected by adoption, and of myself.” 

—Gail Holstock, December 2025