Searching can provide an individual who was adopted with the opportunity to learn about the circumstances that led to their adoption, to have current information about their family of origin, and to know about the parent(s) from whom they were separated. This mini-guide provides some information to help you prepare to start the process of searching for family.
A note on language: in these guides, we use the terms ‘adopted person’, ‘natural mother’ and ‘natural father’, as these are the terms used in the relevant adoption legislation. We appreciate these terms don’t resonate for everyone. Our glossary has further information about the terms people might use to describe themselves.
Before you begin, it can help to ask yourself: Am I looking after myself? Do I have supports in place as I embark on my search?
Preparing to search
Taking the next step to search for a natural relative may present many challenges. The decision to search sometimes coincides with a major event in the life of an adopted person, such as marriage, the birth of a first child, serious illness or the death of an adoptive parent.
As each search is unique and results vary greatly, it can help to consider some of the possible outcomes in preparation. The person you’re looking for might be:
- Found, but after many months or even years of searching
- Found, but unable or unwilling to have contact (for example, if they’re in hospital or aged care, or no longer have capacity)
- Found to have passed away
- Found deceased, but you find a close living relative
- Not found
It’s also helpful to reflect on the purpose of the search and what there is to achieve, find, discover or learn. It might be that your intention is to:
- Find out medical information without having a relationship
- Find out if they’re still alive without meeting them
- Meet and develop a meaningful relationship
- Ask them why
- Learn more about your origins and gain a better understanding of who you are
Making the decision to search
Embarking on a search can be a life-changing and emotional experience, so it may help to consider the following:
- Your reasons for searching
- Acknowledging your feelings and, if needed, seeking professional support
- Asking for or accepting support from someone you trust
- Recognising the impact this very personal experience may have on immediate family, such as a spouse or partner and/or children, adoptive parents and/or siblings
- Acknowledging your feelings around the possibility that the person you’re seeking may have died or may not want contact
- Becoming familiar with some of the impacts of adoption from all perspectives, by reading and talking with others who’ve had a similar experience. VANISH has a range of articles and personal stories on our website.
Questions to reflect on before you start
Some questions that may be useful to consider before starting a search:
- What are your expectations and specific needs for this search?
- What reasons or events have prompted you to begin searching at this time?
- How might your existing relationships be affected or change as a result of the search?
- Who have you told about your intention to search?
- What emotional challenges might this bring up, for you and for those close to you?
- What steps have you taken to prepare emotionally and practically for this process?
- What reading or research have you already done in preparation?
This resource has been developed by VANISH with the support of the Victorian Government Department of Justice and Community Safety as a guide for people undertaking their own search for family separated by adoption.
By registering with VANISH as you commence your search, VANISH search and support staff can assist you with practical suggestions and additional reading material. We can also connect you to professional and peer support options during and after the search process.
To contact VANISH click here or phone 1300 VANISH (826 474).